I started this year…….2021 looking from the bottom of this mountain and thinking, it’s steep and it’s big and I’m not sure how I’m getting to the top but the sooner I get to climbing the faster I will get there. I didn’t have much time, but in my eyes, I had a lot to prove.
After navigating the complications of Covid in 2020, the year seemed fairly good considering, however the last event of the season knocked me right on my ass and sent me tumbling to the bottom of that long, steep mountain.
But like me, I didn’t look back, I looked forward and thought, what’s the next thing I have to do.
My off season was a bit brutal. I remember seeing a significant person in the sport and saying to them and their group, what are you talking about, as they were sitting around a table as though they were having a meeting, and this person jokingly said, Not you. Hahahaha. That socked me in the guts more that I ever knew it would. That fall I was left off the training list and poof it was like I never existed. At least that’s what it felt like.
The start of 2021 seemed like heading down a one way road going the wrong direction. I wasn’t quite gathered in my thoughts yet, and I was planning a massive undertaking. I knew I needed to head east and make a mark. Our team headed east with too much to manage, the wheels just seemed to be flying in every direction. After how my 2021 started it would have been understandable if I had just packed up and driven home, but quitting has never been in me. I will admit however, it was one night with my daughter and some good friends drinking wine talking about our sport and why we do what we do that helped turn the corner for me. For the first time that flame was smoldering. It wasn’t quite out, but man I was battered and broken mentally and it was only March. It was that nights sleep and a little shake from these amazing ladies that woke me up again. I started the next morning back on my mission. Determined not to let these setbacks get the best of me I started reevaluating what was next.
I now look from the top of that mountain and think how did I even get here. What a hike.
Now rewind to that day NLE headed east. We packed up the entire crew with a lot of people and too many horses. 25+ if I recall accurately. The number seemed like double that. It was in the middle of the central United States record freeze and my beautiful Jamco 9 horse head to head that I had been saving for my entire life, had basically broke in half before we could get that far from home. So to say the trip didn’t start well is an understatement.
We managed to arrive in Florida, safe and sound and a lot of tired people. I think back and although this trip was the worst trips I have ever experienced, there were so many great things that came out of it in the end.
We arrived on the east coast in a fury. Some chaos, and anxiety but what’s a massive trip without all of that.
I will say, there are not many people equipped to cope with the chaos of a dysfunctional traveling circus, I mean who would want to be part of that, but if you ever come out the other side still sort of laughing, the lessons and experiences are priceless.
I managed to fall off more in my first month in Florida than I had in the past 5 years. In fact my first 3 competitions I fell off and won in the same weekend. My stress level had reached an all time high, my horses were not thrilled with our migration, nor was the crew or myself. But you keep your head down and you forge ahead. Honestly, more like, you loose your mind and try and figure out how to swim because I was quickly sinking.
I think it might have been the first time in my career where I felt defeated, burned out and questioned why I was even doing this to myself or anyone for that matter.
When reality smacks you in the face and says wake up, you can do what I did and keep getting smacked or (what I advise) stop and reevaluate. What’s working……and what’s not working. I finally did that and came out the other side with a plan and a new found purpose.
The success started to generate, the horses started to adjust and things started to work in a way that made sense and became much easier. They say you are only as good as the team around you, and that is very true. But the team has to have a strong leader to run successfully. That was one of the most valuable lessons I learned in 2021.
So here we are, November 2021, at the top of this mountain, looking at those bigger mountains in the horizon and trying to design a plan on how we will conquer the next hike.
2022 will be another busy year. I have so many ideas and plans that are currently being written down in pencil and I am excited to say the least about the amazing horses I am getting to ride and compete.
I am trying to remember to enjoy the journey, because that is what makes this trip so worth it. Attaining goals and winning awards are nice but never what actually brings you happiness. It’s the journey with the horses and the people you meet and get to spend time with that makes it all worth it.
I’m thankful for this year. I’m thankful for the people who kicked me when I was down, because it helped me fight that much harder. I’m grateful to my amazing friends who gently picked me up when I was down, I’m grateful to the certain few that have always believed in me and have been amazing mentors to me and to have them on my team has been career changing at the very least and so inspiring. I’m grateful that I still have the ability to learn and be a student of the sport to improve myself and my horses as well as the people I teach.
It’s a good time to stop and reflect on what a year it has been. The success is always fun and exciting, the low points are what define who you are. Do you let them effect your journey, or do you let them teach you to be better. Like I said before, I was nearly at a crossroads where I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep going down that hard road and now I look back and I’m so glad I did.
Just always remember, whatever you do in life, it seems that the tougher and rougher the road, the better the feeling of success. I’ve had easy wins and I thought, that was it…..that’s all…….now what. I’ve also had wins that came with extreme heartache and turmoil that felt almost life altering because something great came out of something not so great. If this sport has taught me anything it’s how to keep thinking, what’s next. Whether I’m in the middle of my show jumping round after a rail or a blip in the dressage test. Whether it’s a blow out, a broken trailer that just happened in the middle of me teaching a clinic, it is always, what’s next. How do I keep going. What’s the next thing I have to do. Because this sport, this life will always bring you to a place of defeat if you let it, but if you keep things in perspective, it usually works out the way it was meant to.
Here’s to a stellar 2021 and I know the real success has just begun. Thank you to all of you who kept lifting me up when it was all crumbling down. Thank you to my friends, and supporters who help make this journey possible and thank you to my Team at home and my family. You guys are my rock!
Happy Thanksgiving
